January 1st and yes it is that time of the year for the annual, “Fatoff” the u-haul has just arrived and the athletes are starting to descend on the heavy duty hydraulic lift and waddle into the Pub for the official weigh- in each of them hoping that this will be their year to capture thee allusive crown, “Fatoff Champion.” Unless one has participated in this contest you cannot appreciate the dedication and sacrifice of these athletes, the endless hours cutting coupons for fast food and donut shops, the getting out of bed at 3 in the morning to finish the leftover cheesecake or the passing of lima beans in lemon for three more helpings of mashed potatoes with gravy at a family dinner. That my brother Hibernians is the tenacity (what do you think nice word?) it takes to be a Fatoff Champion. May God Bless them all, they are real roll models for our youth.
I hate this part, but I’m going to get serious and share two stories regarding the Christmas Family Fund. The first was last year when my boss Dunne (who is tough pain in the (expletive delete) boss) and I went up to Haverstraw to drop a meal on the family. The three-generation family, Grandma, daughter and babies, was so appreciative all we did was hug and kiss. It should be noted that this was an African-American family and the common bond between them and these two Irishmen was love and it made our whole Christmas. The second story was this year when we received a donation of one hundred dollars and a gift certificate for Shoprite with a note, “two years ago you helped me and now I’m back on my feet so now it’s my turn” does it get any better than that? Hibernians take pride, between the meals and the toys twenty-three families had a Merry Christmas. On a side note one of the toys on the list cost more than my first car, but to be honest that car would have made the Cash for Clunkers Hall of Fame.
The Fat Off Poem
January 1st came and when they heard the word,
into the AOH came the thundering herd
All agreed it was time to begin,
time to get rid of that old double chin.
Every size and shape, they came to meet
and someone said when do we eat?
It’s a fat off, not fat on, we let them know
but off to McDonalds they wanted to go.
So we locked the door and got them in line
and tried to assure them all would be fine.
Number one got on the scale and around it went
and the middle of the thing was slightly bent.
The next got on and let out a cough and the scale
will one of you please get off?
All sizes and shapes came that day, all weighed in
and all did pay.
So let’s hope the pounds and girth disappear
because if it does there’s more room for beer.
Two months to go to see who wins,
to see who gets rid of those double chins.
The ring will be off down at the bar
but at least we will be able to fit in the car.
Good luck to all, we hope your goal you make
and remember, McKeever, lay off the cake.